What's wrong with NASCAR?

There's got to be something wrong with the National Association of Stock Car Racing, right? Is it indeed the perfect American sport or is it just perfectly flawed like America?

Really, what's wrong with me that I'm sitting here in my driveway handing out halloween candy while my wife teaches bible study inside and I'm writing about NASCAR and what's right or wrong with it? Probably free time allotment; I've got too much right now and not enough later.

Is anything wrong with NASCAR? Aside from lack of capitalization control, things like this: Lars Anderson's NASCAR Power Rankings.

This isn't backlash from hockey-guy, because he's mad that his sport, which he believes trumps NASCAR physically, emotionally, and intellectually for both the player and fan, is so poorly watched while NASCAR is printed on everything from Cheerios to underwear to flash drives. This is open, honest thinking from wannabe-economist-guy who, like every good economist, can attribute value (or attempts such) to invaluable or incalculable items.

That's why I love polls--especially sports polls. Of course the only thing that matters is where the teams finish at the end of the season, but prognosticators of all sorts like to predict the finish. That's why we have polls, power polls, power rankings, rankings, standings, sittings, and similarly useless data. (Sittings, of course, unreal and would be useless even if real).

But with Lars, I must draw the line; this is just too far. First, what is a guy named Lars doing pretending to be a NASCAR fan, let alone expert? I'd more likely believe Dr Laura Schlessinger's NASCAR review than Lars I'm-from-the-midwest-one-generation-removed-from-Norway Anderson. If it were Mikey, Jimmy, Billy, Tommy, or Danny Anderson telling me what they thought about pit crew efficiency and which team had the best shot at next weekend's 600, I'd believe it without question. But not Lars.

Put aside the obvious need of pseudonym and we come up with a more obvious flaw in Lars' rankings. NASCAR already has honest rankings. They're compiled after every race because every driver competes with every other driver in the same conditions almost every week. Scientists would go crazy for this data and economists would quit their jobs if all circumstances were so often and easily controlled. Not only is this useful data so easily obtainable and comparable, but NASCAR has, on top of that, its own series rankings systems already, making Lars useless!

Not that Lars is useless, of course, and his rankings are interesting prognostication. I like that. So why is all this so bad? Have I simply got too much free time, or am I mad? Maybe, but here is the catch: Lars gets paid by Sports Illustrated to post this tripe on their front page! A multi-billion dollar industry is making money by brandishing rehashed information as news by a correspondent whose name indicates his inadequacy. Maybe that's not so bad, though. Maybe I can write a column predicting last week's weather. Or I can freelance with the New York Times to create a best-seller power ranking. Or maybe I could go to tv; anybody have a number for Fox news? They must need a NASCAR anchor.